you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
