just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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