I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
