After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My balls are so social today.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize