So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
