Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
