I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
