my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
