Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
