is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We got so high we made milksteak
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just forgot I was standing up.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
