my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
All the doctor said was why
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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