and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
