i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
