he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize