Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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