So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
