i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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