I wannas sexs uuuuu
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
