So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I cannot find my penis.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Pants are for mortals
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize