Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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