I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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