You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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