He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
