So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
