"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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