The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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