I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
