Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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