you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
