i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
