Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
