I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
