Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
