If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize