i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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