guys are only as good as the porn they watch
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
