ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
