remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
