i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
