So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
