hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
