She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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