I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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