my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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