yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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