Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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