The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
