can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
