She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize