I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
