she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize