WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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