You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
