I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
