It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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