his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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