I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
