I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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