Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Small penises have feelings too.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
