new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
