Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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