Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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