I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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