I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
