She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
