i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
