theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
