Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
