dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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