I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
