i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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