Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
