You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
