Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
