Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
