I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize