I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
