Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
