yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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