Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
