is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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