no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
