I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
