Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We need to get me chipped asap
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
