I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like death gave me a hand job
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
