Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize