I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
