Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
